We all grow up.
We all get to that age where we start to fall for someone we think is special, usually about the same time that our
skin is breaking out and we are only a few steps away from turning 16 or 17, your hair is a mess and you don’t really
have any sense of style but alas you are going through what is a universal growing pain. Falling for some pretty girl or
boy that you really only fancy for their looks and maybe because you share a deep passion for morrissey and how much his
lyrics touch you and relate to you and your mid teen life crisis. Maybe you will start to talk and get to know each other
and maybe you will have little cute dates like you do at this age where neither of you really know what you are doing but
you sure as hell like to think you do, eventually she might kiss you and something wonderful might be started right there.
More then not though what occurs at this spiraling age of teenage against and heartbreak is just that.
You most likely had your first fleeting attraction stomp on your little precious and ever so fragile teen heart,
leaving you in utter shambles and a mess for what may last for up to 3 weeks before you move onto the next girl to even
glance at you briefly in an English class. For the mean time though you don’t know this and you certainly are not aware
that within a few weeks or maybe even days everything you are feeling for the first time will go away, All this sudden
sadness and loneliness you feel for someone you barely knew or to be honest barely cared about in the grand scheme of things
will all go away. It’s all very relate-able to another famous and universal experience that we go through as teenagers witch
goes by a name we all know to well: The dreaded first Hangover. You think you;re going to die and you begin to regret
everything you ever did in the last 24 hours all whilst trying to stay on your feet but alas you come to accept that this
is a battle that can’t be one and you lay down and embrace what is surely to be you painful and heart wrenching death.
Then you wake up and everything is fine.
I remember the first time a girl got me down and i had my existential heart broken, I was the same age as most others are
when it happens and i went through the motions that we all do. Nothing special and nothing noteworthy to share, that
being said there is one thing that came across my mind today from it all. I remember my not so caring mother at the time
taking care of poor little jack and his broken heart after school on the day of the tragic and unspeakable event.
She said something to me witch i hadn’t heard before because it really was an adult concept, a phrase and bit of advice
that i think we all learn around this age from different people or maybe from culture itself, a bit of advice that really
gets a lot of us through our adult relationship dramas and heartbreaks still.
Moving on is the hardest part.
It’s a beautifully simple notion that suggests to the person that you’re piecing back together that they have to move on,
they don’t have a choice really when you put it that way. Moving on is the hardest part but you have to do it and it starts
now. As a young boy this really did strike a note with me, maybe because my mum didn’t really give out that much good advice
or maybe just because it worked and it kicked my brain into gear that moving on from these follies of the heart is the only
way to deal with the sudden heartbreak, regardless of our age. I grew up and moved on from the girl who showed me the power
of heartbreak and i went on to date other girls as a teenager and go through more heartbreak and did the same to others.
Through out it all that little bit of obvious advice helped, Things don’t last forever and we all move on eventually.
So just move on and get the hard part out of the way so you can work your way back to being yourself.
What my mother had told me was true and more surprisingly she was right about something.
Alas though she left something out that i didn’t figure out till nearly 5 years later, something that i wish she had told
me at the same time but that i understand why she maybe didn’t.
The hardest thing isn’t moving on.
The hardest thing isn’t even getting your heart broken for the first or for the 100th time, im going to put it out there
that the hardest part doesn’t even have anything to do with being left or lead on or even falling for someone who doesn’t
care that you even exists. The hardest part is is realizing that maybe the person you fell for isn’t who you thought.
Maybe you were wrong.
This didn’t hit me till today, at 20 years old. I was sitting with a girl who has me feeling incredible and she was with her
girlfriends and they said somethings that i didn’t expect, nothing offensive but just some things about this girl that had
me thinking. I realized that maybe i shouldn’t be chasing her. I realized that for the last 2 months every time this girl has
looked at me in the eye my heart has dropped and my mouth has zipped shut out of sheer fear. Not of her but of how perfect
she is and of how wonderful she has me feeling just by being in a room with me.
No one else has me silent, questioning every thought that pops into my head. No one else’s opinion matters.
I was blinded by her perfection.
I didnt even question it or consider that maybe the reason she just isnt that into me is because she isnt the girl i
thoght she was, maybe I need to just leqave it alone for my own sake.
It really brought me down. I wasnt sad or anything, I really wasnt; I just felt sort of empty because I knew that the
best thing for me was to do exactly what my mother once told me at 16. Just move on.
It was just a harder realization this time round because I had lost someone in a different way.
They wernt leaving me because i was too depressed or running away because they didnt know what to do, i wasnt going
to lose her because i said something stupid that scared her off. Instead i was going to lose someone because maybe they
just were never there.
I was blinded by perfection.